Molly You Cannot Be Reading This
by CretianStar
Summary: Sherlock cannot cope with what Molly reads in her spare time! Silly, lemony two-shot. Might progress in to more! Rating is for language and mild naughty implications!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So technically I upload 3 stories in one evening - but none are the same fandom so go figure out that one!

This is some ludicrous idea that I had, and sadly the story snippets are actually products of my own brain. Though thankfully never used in a serious story context!

Enjoy!

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' _His member was cold, it numbed her fingers, she was oddly reminded of when she had been peeling carrots earlier in the week – it had felt similar.'_ Sherlock was horrified at the words he was reading as he waited for Molly to bring his tea.

He'd plonked himself on the sofa as she had strode into the kitchen offering tea while he unwound his scarf.

It was far enough into their friendship that Molly was used to his peculiarities. That's a lie, she's been used to his weird ways for too long but these were intimate peculiarities; he'd walk into her flat and kip on her sofa because she lived closer to Barts, he'd watch TV with her in the evenings after she'd got home from work and showered. He'd allow Toby prime space on his lap. He'd even made dinner once, well he'd attempted to but the pair had decided to never let him do it again.

So that's why Molly hadn't said a word but was stood by the kettle, humming as it boiled, blissfully unaware that Sherlock was reading from her laptop screen.

What was this nonsense?! "Fanfiction?" He whispered under his breath and quickly took control of the device, Wikipedia-ing the definition.

' _Fan fiction or fanfiction (also abbreviated to fan fic, fanfic or fic) is fiction about characters or settings from an original work of fiction, created by fans of that work rather than by its creator. It is a popular form of fan labour, particularly since the advent of the internet.'_

Huh. Okay. So what nonsense was she reading now?! Molly Hooper was a Doctor for heavens sake, an educated woman who was reading a story about a penis being compared to a carrot. Further inspection confirmed it was a vampire penis being compared to a carrot.

"Sherlock what are you doing on my laptop?" She asked drily, putting the mug down next to him.

"What is this tripe Hooper?" He looked aghast and turned the screen to face her when she sat next to him.

"Oh, a link Meena sent me." She said absent-mindedly.

" _She bit back a moan that would have made a pornstar blush._ " Sherlock read aloud, and turned to stare, flabbergasted when Molly snickered. "Molly this is ridiculous, porn stars moan for a living!" He declared, handing the laptop back to her. "This is awful, I expect a woman like you to read something better than this!" He was almost imploring her now to prove him wrong.

"There are some good stories on this site Sherlock. Some people are incredibly talented, and if you go to the sister site there are stories about you." She grinned, taking the laptop back from him.

"You.. you read this?!" He was deducing her again and Molly couldn't help but smirk.

"Yes, I do. But Meena and I send one another the worst written fictions we find on the site." Molly shrugs, blowing over the surface of her tea to cool it down before taking a sip. She hears the cogs turning in Sherlock's head before grinning up at him. "Oh I know what you need to read." She beams, handing him the cup and clicking her way across the site, typing furiously. "You know Harry Potter right?" Sherlock nods, Molly had forced him to endure all 8 films and he had secretly read all 7 books, though no-one had to know. (He told John that the books were part of a cipher). "Well, prepare yourself for My Immortal." She hands him back the laptop, taking back her tea with a grin.

"Hooper what is this crap!?" He hollers as he reads the opening line.

"Enjoy."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: One kind Guest decided this was only mildly humorous so I decided to evolve it into something mildly smutty instead. It's got a nice lemony tang instead.

Merry Christmas with this non-Christmassy story!

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"That's it Hooper." Sherlock had, as usual, slammed his way into her flat, uncaring of whatever Molly was supposed to be doing. Which in fairness was only a puzzle while chatting to Toby.

"What's wrong now Sherlock?" She said with a long suffering sigh, turning only briefly to see the man in her doorway.

"I cannot take any more of the awful scenes I have read on that blasted site." His coat billowed out and he stood in front of the small table she had set up in front of her sofa.

"You don't have to read it Sherlock." She said idly, turning another piece in her fingertips before slotting it into place. She frowned as Sherlock leant on her puzzle, dipping his head into her eye line. "Well you really don't!" She turned her face to him properly and squeaked when he suddenly kissed her hard. She pushed him off and stood up, ignoring the protests of her cat who sulked off, and sat at the end of the sofa twitching his tail.

"I am going to teach you Hooper that the people writing these know nothing about sex!"

"Sherlock." She spluttered and glared at him hands on hips. "What on earth do you think you are doing?"

"Teaching you!" He retorted and she snorted.

"Sherlock, your reputation relies on your pristine virginity being intact." Molly laughed but still retained her position standing.

"Do not be so obtuse Molly Hooper. I thought you were a Doctor!" He scowled at her, this was not working the way he wanted. He wanted to prove to Molly that sex could exceed the rubbish he read in certain fictional work.

"Insulting me Sherlock is not going to get you anywhere." She raised an eyebrow.

"That's not what I wanted." He said patiently, and Molly watched with a small smile as he stood back, being less aggressive and staring at her with puppy dog eyes. "I just wanted to prove to you that sex isn't like the drivel on that site or in those books that litter your bedroom shelves. It's not all suave heroes who can't work any other position than missionary." He was getting a little agitated, running his fingers through his curls. "I didn't want you to think that was all that could be hoped for!" He was wound up and Molly took pity on the daft man.

"Sherlock." She whispered, coming around the table and pushing his coat from his shoulders. "I **know** there's more to sex than the books I read." She smiled, and pulled on his suit lapels to bring him back down to her height.

"You do?"

"Yes, bloody hell Sherlock I did not lead a sheltered life." She smiled. "My sex life may have dried up since falling head over heels for you but before it was more than adequate." Her words were softly spoken but he was staring down at her as though she'd screamed at him.

"So … you don't need me to teach you?" He mutters, feeling somewhat awkward with his current predicament. He thought this was his way in. Sherlock had worked himself up into a frenzy after tireless Molly research that this was his way to prove himself, to show her that there was life after Meat Dagger. "But I did all this reading! I mean I knew I was a little underprepared physically so I made sure I read as much as I could, I can recite the Kama Sutra to you if you would like…"

"No Sherlock I don't need you to teach me, but you clearly need me to teach you." She grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding back the giggles at the surprised noise that came from his mouth. "Come on Sherlock, let me get rid of all those nasty stories out of your head and I'll replace them with something far more entertaining." She pulled on his hand back towards her bedroom. "But we'll start with missionary, let me revolutionise it for you."


End file.
